This morning I cried as I helped my not-so-baby boy tie his shoes. I watched him as he gave his dad extra hugs and kisses as if he wasn't going to see him at school in an hour. We said goodbye and then we were on our way. "Off to school", he said as we headed out of our neighborhood and drove to school.

The three mile trip is getting shorter. It has been for almost a month now. Even in morning traffic, the minutes are going by too fast. When we pulled up to the first red light, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw his smiling face and the tears started again. This time I couldn't stop them. Instead of our usual dance party in the car on the way to school, I was crying and trying not to be loud because he usually asks me if I'm okay and offers me a tissue. I didn't want him to see me sad at the start of the day.

The truth is that I never thought I would be a part of this club. I never in a million years thought that I would be blessed with the opportunity to send my son to the best preschool and get a head start with his education. I never thought I would be a BH Mom.

Bright Horizons has been a big part of my family's life for over a decade. My husband and I both started our teaching careers at Bright Horizons. We began our adult lives together as employees and then transitioned into married life and parenthood a few years later. We celebrated by having one of three baby showers at Bright Horizons RCC and I am still overwhelmed by the memories of that day as parents, students, staff and friends came together to celebrate a baby that many anxiously waited to meet. We have celebrated so many life changes and accomplishments at RCC which makes it that much harder.

Fast forward to my son's first day at RCC. I wasn't sure I was ready. I wasn't sure he was ready. But if my son was going to thrive and learn in a place without me, it would be here. It would be in the place where his father and I worked side by side and grew up together. It would be in a place we were familiar with and trusted the teachers to care for our son just as we do.

As I sit here, nearly three years later, and write these words, I am just as overwhelmed. The tears have in fact begun to flow again and I am both happy and sad. I am happy with the education, love and support my son has received from the Bright Horizons RCC family. Our family. There is a reason that I only recommend Bright Horizons to my doula clients: it's because I know they are the absolute best. Period.

I am sad because this is the end. This is the end of what we know. In the Fall, our son will be entering new territory as a Kindergartner. As parents, my husband and I will also be entering a new world of unknown. And while I am excited that my son is prepared and ready, it is bittersweet for me. He is leaving Bright Horizons to build upon the lessons that he has learned. I will be forever grateful for everything that RCC has given him and us as a family.

To Brandi and the RCC staff, thank you for making this so hard. Thank you for preparing my son for the world. Thank you for living up to your motto and providing a great place for a childhood. Thank you for being our family and thank you for making me a BH Mom.

I decided to go ahead and clean out Preston's cubby today as I will probably be too emotional to do it on Friday. How much do you want to bet that he will need a back up shirt tomorrow just because I took them all home today?

Last week I was presented with an unexpected opportunity. A younger me would have declined without even giving it any real consideration and I would have happily let someone else step in and do it. But not this time. This was a unique opportunity and I am glad I said yes.

According to Merriam-Webster, a surrogate is

1. a : one appointed to act in place of another : deputy ​b : a local judicial officer in some states (as New York) who has jurisdiction over the probate of wills, the settlement of estates, and the appointment and supervision of guardians
2. : one that serves as a substitute
3. : surrogate mother

As a doula, this term is very familiar to me. However, when I was asked to be a surrogate last week for my friend and U. S. Congress candidate Ron Sanyal, I initially had mixed emotions. It was mostly fear, but I said yes.

With less than 48 hours to prepare, I didn't have time to be stressed or let fear set in about the task. Ron was holding a fundraiser on the same night as a candidate forum where he was invited to speak. Because he couldn't be in two places at once, I would be his surrogate at the candidate forum and speak on his behalf. Simple right? Well, sort of.

If you don't know, my husband, DeAntony Collins, officially began his political career last year. While this was only the beginning for him, I have been contemplating my own place in local politics as well. My husband introduced me to the world of politics almost 12 years ago and I have been immersed in it ever since. I still don't know as much as he does, but I am intrigued and attracted to the ever changing culture of politics to say the least.

So as you can imagine, I was not only nervous for myself, I was also nervous to represent my friend Ron and essentially my husband as well in a political role. If I blew this opportunity, it wouldn't just be me that would look bad.

Fast forward to the day of the candidate forum. I was up at the crack of dawn. I took my husband to work and my son to school. I taught my Zumba class, went to a business meeting and I ran some errands. It wasn't until early that afternoon that I began to practice what I was going to say. One of the reasons I said yes to this opportunity is because I need to work on my public speaking. I can be very timid and shy, especially if you put me in a room with people I don't know. But again, I said yes. I was committed to not only representing Ron well, but I wanted to impress my husband and myself too.

So what did I do to prepare and calm myself?

• prayed
• listened to some of my favorite music
• did some vocal exercises
• went over my notes
• listened to talk radio and laughed
• received some encouragement from my husband
• showed up to the event early
• prayed (again)

With my husband having to go to his own event just down the street, he wouldn't be there to actually hear me speak on Ron's behalf. I was the second person in line to speak and it wasn't until I stood up that I tried to get nervous. I say 'tried' because I wouldn't let myself go to that place. I stood up straight in my beautiful peep toe pumps and just started talking. Before I knew it, I was halfway through my remarks. And then there was clapping. They were clapping. I had done it. Overall, I think I did pretty well. It wasn't perfect and I stumbled over a couple of words towards the end, but I think I did well. I believe that both Ron and my husband would have been very proud.

The next day I had a thought to write about this experience. But I was hesitant. There is often talk about mixing and discussing certain issues like politics and religion with business in the doula world. Will it turn off potential clients? Will it make me seem like I am trying to push my views on others? After thinking about it, I decided to not only write about my experience, but I wanted to share it because it is in fact an experience that helped me grow as a person, business woman and friend.

The truth is that I will be that doula who will talk about politics, religion, local and international issues that affect the world will live in. I am the doula who wants more for the families I help in my community. I am the doula who teaches Zumba in the mornings and goes to local community meetings in the evenings. I am the doula who cares for and prays for your children on Sundays in the church nursery. I am very proud of who I am as a person and doula and sometimes (not all the time) there will be crossover in my life. And I am just fine with that. Who knows, maybe one day I can be the doula for all of up and coming world leaders and politicians. I mean, why not?

Here is a short excerpt from my remarks and a photo of me while I was speaking:

"I have known Ron for a while now and he is a very humble and honest man. He has an amazing spirit and I believe he has the character and drive to serve in Congress and that is why I support him."

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On Tuesday, June 7th, I hope you will join me and cast your vote for Ron Sanyal for U.S. House of Representatives District 2 in the primary election.

This blog post was originally published on my Mom Blog on May 11, 2014.

For years I wondered how you did it…

Working two jobs, going to school, raising us and you still managed to be at every event, concert and fundraiser. You kept a pristine house and cooked almost every night. I remember you making dresses into the wee hours of the morning. You made sacrifices that I still don’t know about today. Just in the past two days, I have seen three sets of twin girls and I couldn’t help but smile and think of you :-) Truthfully, I never fully knew you and your life until I became a wife and mother.

Mom, you have loved me unconditionally since before I was born. You have prayed for me and with me continuously and I appreciate it more than you know. But it is your FAITH that has truly inspired me. While I was celebrating the happiest time in my life, you were going through so much. But you were right there with me. So supportive and smiling through your pain so you could be there for me. Just like a mother.

As a child, even when I didn’t understand, you always said, “Just have faith. God will work it out.” I hear you say those words in my head almost every day. It’s crazy how much time I’ve wasted worrying about things, but the older I get, the more I hear you. I thank God for you every single day. I pray he heals you and makes you even stronger than you were before your surgery. I pray that the rest of your life is as joyful and meaningful as you have made the lives of all of those around you because you deserve at least that.

I wish I could be with you today, but I know Kim is taking great care of you as always :-) Thank you mom for being a great woman & mother of FAITH. I love you!!

This blog post was originally written for The Happiest Home Guest Blog Series and published on my Mom Blog on March 29, 2013.

There is nothing more important to me than being a wife and mother. They are the greatest titles I will ever hold.

Love has always been at the center of my life. The one thing that has been a constant. But not just any love. I mean true, unconditional love. Unconditional love from God, my mother and now my husband. Everything that I experienced before I became a wife and mother was all a test. A test of my heart, my strength and my brain’s ability to function without sleep! But I realize now that all the good and the bad prepared me and made me into the woman I am. The mother I am. It is because of this great love that I am able to appreciate getting up at 6 a.m. each morning and I instantly smile when I see his face.

I always wanted to be a mother. My child care career prepared me well for motherhood. I still don’t know everything but I had major fears. My fear of motherhood stemmed from my family’s medical history. I was scared. Scared I couldn’t or wouldn’t be able to carry a child to term. Still, the plan was to wait to have children. My husband and I were taking time to finish our education and simultaneously build our careers and we had no intention of having children yet. When we found out we were pregnant, it was during an adjustment period. Our car died, I had just been laid off a couple of months before without any notice and he was now the soul bread winner. I was consumed with a lot of emotion already because I had just turned 25. Needless to say, I was not completely happy about where I was in my life. Really, I just thought I would be in a different place. I just couldn’t accept all the setbacks. But my husband and I believe our lives were being purged so we could receive all the blessings that were about to come our way.

Exactly one month after my birthday, the doctor confirmed that “Tad” was indeed growing inside me. It was the happiest day of my life! And more happy days followed. My husband and I got married not once, but twice in the months following the news of our new addition :) We were overwhelmed with gifts for our precious baby boy from all three baby showers and the love continues to this day. Friends and family still give us clothes, shoes and toys as if we are still expecting.

My dream to become a mother finally came true on Friday, March 25, 2011. I had a quick and smooth delivery and I wouldn’t have asked for anything to be different. Honestly, the only memory I have directly after hearing my son cry was the look on my husband’s face as he held our son for the first time. He was and is such a proud father. That was the moment I knew our love would carry on through the next generation. I’m celebrating two years of being a mom in just a few days and I still wake up every day shocked and grateful that I am someone’s mother. Life hasn’t been the same, but I wouldn’t want to live it any other way.

“If you’re living in love, you doing okay.” Chantal Hayes

This blog was originally posted on my BOBW Mom Blog on April 14, 2014.

I’m so excited because it is baby season! Well… it’s always baby season, but I am very partial to spring babies since PAC Man is one :) In the past few weeks, I have had the pleasure of being told by at least four different moms that they are expecting and I react the same way every time-tears! I am always overjoyed to hear when a woman is expecting a child, whether it is her first or fourth. Babies are my business and I love every aspect of it :) And just a couple of weeks ago, two friends both had baby girls. I’m not going to lie, baby fever has been chasing me. Luckily, my marathon training has me out running it for now :)

I went to visit my girl, Marissa, just a few days after she had "Pinky" and I fell in love instantly! She is just gorgeous! Last week when I went to visit again, I started thinking about the day my husband and I left the hospital and took PAC Man home. We had lots of visitors both in and out of the hospital. For some new moms, that can be very overwhelming. So I wanted to give some tips on how to have a smooth and successful visit with a new mom (and dad/partner) and their precious little one.
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• If visiting the family in the hospital, call ahead and try to make sure mom and baby are both rested and up to having company. Everyone wants to see the new addition on the first day, but it is okay to wait a couple of days or weeks.

• Do not give the new mom any advice whatsoever. She has been hearing unwanted advice since she announced her pregnancy.

• Make sure you ask if you can hold the baby and wash your hands thoroughly before you do. Do not get offended if mom does not want anyone to hold her baby.

• If you are bringing young children with you, explain where you are going and that they need to be careful and quiet around the new baby.

• NEVER visit a new mom and her new baby if you are sick or have been around sick people.

• When visiting the home, schedule a time to drop by and bring something (if food ask what to bring) or plan to help while you are visiting. This is important because the last thing a new mom wants to do or even has time or energy to clean up. Make the visit about mom!

• Bring something just for mom. A small gift or something she hasn’t had in nearly 10 months (wine) will lift her spirits. She will really appreciate it, especially since most gifts are for the baby. Sibling gifts are always a plus too.

• When visiting, try to set a time limit or be aware of cues that the family may need some time alone. 

• Check in on mom periodically during the first few weeks. Ask if she needs prescription refills, help with the other children or just time to take a shower and a nap. Most times, she may just want some company :)

For all the new moms out there, know that I love you. This will be the best time of your life. It may also be the most challenging time of your life. But remember, every day gets a little easier. Ask for help if you need it. And don’t forget to take care of yourself. Please contact me if you have ANY questions!