Welcome to the wild, beautiful, and sometimes bewildering world of parenthood. That first year after your baby arrives? It’s a whirlwind. You will survive off of cat naps and cold coffee. You won't see or talk to your friends for months at a time. The words "clean up" will mean something completely different after a few weeks. You will think about things you have never thought of before like death from lack of sleep or cracked nipples. You will do things like dance to Prince at 2 a.m. just to get your baby to stop crying. And sometimes you will wonder what you were thinking when you wanted to have a baby. But the first year is also equal parts joy, exhaustion, and recalibration of your entire life. 

You’ll hear advice from every direction, but there are some truths you don’t hear enough about. So let me tell you the real deal about what to expect, how to survive, and maybe even thrive during that unforgettable (and often unforgiving) first year.
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1. Just Like Marriage, the First Year Is the Hardest
Bringing a baby home is a dream come true… and also a shock to the system. You're navigating sleepless nights, diaper blowouts, feeding schedules, and a brand-new identity as “Mom” or “Dad.” It’s not uncommon for couples to experience tension during this time. You’re both stretched thin. Be patient with each other. Communicate often. Laugh when you can. And remember: this is a season — not forever.

2. You and Your Partner Will Have Different Parenting Styles
One of you may be laid-back. The other may Google every symptom at 2 a.m. You might handle crying with cuddles, and your partner with rocking and pacifiers. Different isn’t wrong, it’s just different. Work together to find a middle ground. Respect and trust each other. Your baby will benefit from seeing both of you show up with love, even in your own unique ways.

3. Children Change Everything, Including Your Marriage
Your life as a couple takes a backseat to bottles, burp cloths, and baby giggles. The freedom you once had to plan spontaneous date nights? Gone (for now). But with intentional effort, your marriage can not only survive, it can grow. Let your partner know you still see them. Prioritize time to connect, even if it’s just a hug in the kitchen or a whispered “I love you” over a mountain of laundry.

4. Intimacy Is a Lifeline, Not a Luxury
We’re not just talking about sex—although that, too, when you're ready. Intimacy in the first year is about touch, emotional closeness, and feeling like a team. Don't let exhaustion steal that bond. Find your rhythm again. Sometimes, intimacy looks like holding hands while watching baby sleep. Other times, it’s a heartfelt conversation after midnight feedings. Keep choosing each other.

5. Relationships Will Change (Be Prepared to Lose Some)
It’s painful, but true. Not everyone will stick around once you enter parenthood. Some friends won’t understand why you can’t text back or why you keep canceling plans. Some family members might not support your choices. Let them go with grace. The ones who matter will show up. And you’ll find new connections — in playgroups, in your neighborhood, even online — with people who get it.

6. Go Out — Even If It’s With the Baby
Yes, it’s a hassle to pack the diaper bag, time feedings, and navigate the world with a baby in tow. Do it anyway. Fresh air and a change of scenery are crucial for your mental health. Grab coffee. Take a walk. Go to the bookstore. Even a trip to the grocery store can feel like a mini vacation in those early months.

7. Time Management Will Be Redefined
Forget the old to-do lists. Success now looks like everyone got dressed today or you remembered to eat lunch before 3 p.m. Time becomes elastic and weird. You’ll become a master multitasker—answering emails while rocking a baby, folding laundry during naps, and scheduling showers like military operations. Flexibility is your new superpower.

8. Know the Signs of Mental Health Distress
Postpartum depression and anxiety are real. They don’t make you a bad parent. They make you human. If you're crying more than usual, feeling numb, irritable, or disconnected, don’t brush it off. Talk to your doctor. Reach out to a friend. Therapy and support groups can be life-changing. You deserve to feel like you again.

9. Always Have a Camera Nearby
These moments—the sleepy smiles, the first laugh, the way your baby wraps their hand around your finger — they go by fast. Capture them. Even the messy, imperfect ones. You’ll be so glad you did when you're looking back, wondering how they grew up so quickly.

10. Don’t Stress Over Developmental Milestones
Every baby is on their own timeline. Some crawl at six months, others not until ten. Some sleep through the night early, others don’t until toddlerhood. Comparison steals joy. Trust your instincts and your pediatrician — not Instagram.

11. Your New Normal: Work-Life Balance, Redefined
Returning to work? Staying at home? Building a side hustle during naps? However your days are structured, balance isn’t about equal time, it’s about presence. When you’re with your baby, be with them. When you’re working, give yourself permission to focus. You won’t always get it right. That’s okay. You’re learning. And that, in itself, is parenting.

The first year of parenting is a masterclass in growth—for you, your partner, and your baby. It’s messy. It’s beautiful. And it’s okay if it doesn’t look picture-perfect. Breathe. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate the small wins. And remember: you’re not alone.

Do you have high lipase breast milk?

I first learned about high lipase breast milk when I was working as a nanny. I was caring for a newborn and one day while preparing his bottle, I noticed a difference in the milk. It smelled different, like it had gone bad. But how could that be? Ths mom had just pumped the milk the night before. So I went upstairs to tell her and we both agreed to see if the baby would drink the milk. He did. But this led to an afternoon of unexpected research to figure out what was going on with her milk. What had she eaten recently? Was she sick? Was this a one time thing? Should she call her OBGYN? And most importantly, would the baby experience any adverse affects after consuming the milk?

​​For many breastfeeding mothers, pumping and storing breast milk offers flexibility and peace of mind. But some discover an unexpected twist: after storing breast milk, it smells or tastes soapy, metallic, or even rancid. If this sounds familiar, you might be dealing with high lipase breast milk. While it can be frustrating, the good news is that your milk is still safe and valuable for your baby.

What Is High Lipase Breast Milk?
Lipase is a naturally occurring enzyme in breast milk that helps break down fats, making the milk easier for your baby to digest. In some individuals, lipase activity is higher than average. This can cause stored breast milk (especially when refrigerated or frozen) to develop a distinct smell or taste after just a few hours or days.

What Causes High Lipase?
The exact cause isn’t fully understood, but it's believed to be simply a matter of individual body chemistry. High lipase levels don’t mean there’s something wrong with you or your milk, just that the enzyme is working very efficiently.

Is It Safe to Feed Baby?
Yes, breast milk with high lipase is completely safe and still highly nutritious. However, some babies may reject it due to the altered taste. If your baby refuses stored milk, there are still ways to make it work.

​How to Feed Your Baby With High Lipase Milk
1. Scald Your Milk Before Storing- If your baby rejects unmodified high lipase milk, scalding may help. This process deactivates the lipase enzyme before it can change the milk's flavor.

• Heat freshly pumped milk in a small pot until bubbles form around the edges (about 180°F or 82°C), but do not boil.
• Immediately cool it in an ice bath.
• Store as usual in the refrigerator or freezer.

Please Note: Scalding may reduce some of the milk’s immune properties, but it still remains a far better option than formula in most cases.

2. Test Milk Storage Time Limits- If scalding isn’t ideal, experiment with how long your milk can be stored before the taste changes. Some high-lipase milk is fine for 24 hours or more in the fridge before becoming off-tasting. Feeding it within this window might work.

3. Mix With Fresh Milk- Some babies will take stored milk more easily if it's mixed with freshly expressed milk to dilute the altered flavor.

Other Uses for High Lipase Milk
​If you find yourself with milk that your baby won’t drink, don’t throw it out! Here are other meaningful and creative ways to use it:

• Milk Baths- Breast milk baths can soothe diaper rash, eczema, and dry skin. Just add 1–2 ounces to your baby’s bath water.
• Breast Milk Lotion or Soap- DIY breast milk lotion and soap are great for your baby’s skin and they make thoughtful keepsakes or gifts.
• Donate It- Some milk banks will accept high lipase milk, especially if you have a surplus and it’s otherwise healthy. Always check their guidelines first.
• Use in Solids- Once your baby starts solids, you can mix breast milk into purées or oatmeal. The flavor may be masked enough that baby won’t mind the taste.
• Breast Milk Jewelry- Some artisans can create keepsake jewelry using your breast milk, offering a beautiful way to honor your breastfeeding journey.

High lipase breast milk might throw a curveball into your pumping plans, but it doesn't mean the end of breastfeeding success. With a few tweaks, you can still feed your baby and make the most of every drop. Remember, your milk is amazing, even with a soapy twist.

Have you dealt with high lipase milk? What worked for you? Share your story in the comments below.

The early days of the fourth trimester are beautiful, exhausting, and demanding all at once. In the whirlwind of those early postpartum days, one of the most thoughtful ways to support new parents is by providing meals. Meal trains—a system where friends and family sign up to bring food on designated days—have long been a go-to tradition. But while well-intentioned, traditional meal trains aren’t always the best option for postpartum mothers. Here’s why and how we can do better.

The Problem with Traditional Meal Trains
Traditional meal trains often fall short because they don’t take into account the specific nutritional needs, dietary restrictions, and personal preferences of postpartum mothers. Some common issues include:

• Uncoordinated variety: Lasagna three nights in a row? It happens. Without a clear meal plan or coordination, families often get repeat dishes or meals that don’t suit their tastes or needs.
• Nutritional mismatch: Heavy, greasy, or overly processed foods can be hard on a recovering body. Many postpartum mothers need nutrient-dense, healing meals, not just comfort food.
• Dietary restrictions: Some mothers may be breastfeeding and avoiding common allergens like dairy or soy. Others may be healing from a c-section and need lighter, anti-inflammatory meals. Unless those preparing food are well-informed, these needs are often overlooked.
• Drop-in disruption: Meal drop-offs sometimes come with unexpected visits. While well-meaning, this can disrupt feeding, napping, or simply the need for quiet recovery time.

The Importance of Postpartum Nutrition
Postpartum recovery isn’t just about rest, it’s about replenishing the body, healing tissues, and supporting hormone regulation. Proper nutrition plays a pivotal role in all of these. Some postpartum nutrition guidelines include:

• High-protein foods to support tissue repair and hormone balance.
• Iron-rich meals to restore blood levels after delivery.
• Omega-3 fatty acids, especially DHA, to support mood and brain health.
• Warm, easily digestible meals (such as soups and stews) that comfort the body and aid digestion.
• Hydration through broths, teas, and electrolyte-rich fluids.

How Friends and Family Can Truly Help
Instead of relying on the traditional model, here are more thoughtful, flexible, and nourishing ways to support a postpartum family:
1. Cook or Deliver Requested Meals

• Ask the family what they want or need. Some may prefer light soups, rice bowls, or specific cultural dishes.
• Use services like Meal Train Plus or Take Them a Meal that allow families to list preferences and dietary restrictions.

2. Order from Their Favorite Local Restaurants

• Skip the guesswork and send takeout from places they already love. Many new parents appreciate this more than surprise home-cooked meals.

3. Send Grocery Deliveries

• Set up a grocery order with fresh produce, snacks, or meal kits that the family can prepare easily.
• Let them curate the list so it’s stocked with their postpartum essentials.

4. Provide Gift Cards or Meal Delivery Services

• A gift card to a favorite restaurant, grocery store, or food delivery app (like DoorDash, Uber Eats, or Instacart) offers freedom and flexibility.
• Subscription meal services like Spoonful of Comfort, Daily Harvest, or MotherBees cater specifically to postpartum needs.

The heart behind a traditional meal train is always appreciated, but as we grow in understanding postpartum recovery, it’s clear we need to move beyond casseroles and cookie-cutter solutions. Supporting new moms means nourishing them in ways that honor their bodies, preferences, and healing journey.
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So, the next time someone you love welcomes a baby, ask how you can feed them their way, not just what’s easiest for you. Thoughtful nourishment is one of the most profound gifts you can give a new mother.

The fourth trimester is a season often wrapped in quiet mystery. It’s not talked about enough, and when it is, it’s usually painted in broad strokes of sleepless nights and sweet baby snuggles. While there’s truth in that, there’s a deeper, more complex reality that deserves honest conversation. This sacred, raw chapter is a period of transformation, healing, and reckoning—not just with your new baby, but with your new self.

Here are five essential truths about the fourth trimester and why embracing change is not just helpful, but necessary.

1. Postpartum Nutrition Is the Key to Physical and Mental Health
Your body just performed a miracle—growing and birthing a human being—and now it’s in recovery mode. The healing process requires more than rest; it demands nourishment. Postpartum nutrition is about replenishing the body’s stores, supporting hormone regulation, and fueling the energy needed for sleepless nights and endless feedings.

It’s not about dieting or “bouncing back.” It’s about giving your body what it needs. Think warm, healing foods rich in iron, healthy fats, protein, and fiber. Hydration, mineral replenishment, and nourishing snacks aren’t luxuries, they’re essentials. Prioritizing your nutrition is one of the most loving things you can do for both your physical and mental well-being.

2. It Can Be Lonely
Even with a partner or family nearby, the fourth trimester can feel incredibly isolating. The demands of caring for a newborn can leave little time for adult connection, and many new parents feel like the world has moved on without them.

This is why community matters. Whether it's a trusted friend, a postpartum doula, a local mom group, or even a virtual support space, surround yourself with people who get it. Ask for help. Accept help. Lean into relationships that allow you to show up as you are, messy bun and all. You weren’t meant to do this alone. Motherhood has always been a communal experience, so don’t be afraid to claim that for yourself.

3. Bouncing Back Isn’t Realistic
There’s a quiet pressure to “bounce back” after birth emotionally, socially and especially physically. But the truth is, there’s no going back—only forward into something new. Your body won’t heal overnight, and it shouldn't be expected to. It took nine months to grow your baby, and it may take longer than that to fully recover and recalibrate.

Your image of yourself may shift. You might not recognize your body at first, and that’s okay. This is a season of becoming. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to heal slowly, imperfectly, and with deep compassion. You are not less. You are more—expanded in love, resilience, and strength.

4. Your Priorities Will Change (and That’s Okay)
What once felt urgent may now feel trivial. Your habits, routines, even your goals may shift. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself, it means you’re evolving.
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This change doesn’t have to be feared. It’s a signal of growth. Embrace the simplicity of slower mornings, the joy in tiny milestones, and the peace that can come from doing less. This is a time for recalibration and what no longer fits can be lovingly released. You’re not becoming someone else; you’re becoming more you.

5. Your Relationships Will Change
Motherhood alters the dynamic of your closest relationships—with your partner, friends, and even your own parents. These shifts can be beautiful, but also painful or confusing.

Communication becomes more important than ever. You may need to re-negotiate roles, rediscover intimacy, or even set new boundaries. Some friendships may fade; others may deepen. Your relationship with yourself will also evolve and that relationship, above all, deserves your tenderness and care.

These changes aren’t signs of failure. They’re natural responses to growth and responsibility. Let them happen and give your relationships the grace to grow with you.

​The fourth trimester isn’t a detour, it’s a continuation of your journey. One where healing, identity, and connection are in flux. It’s okay to feel joy and grief in the same breath. It’s okay to change your mind, your priorities, your plans.

This chapter asks a lot of you, but it also gives you the opportunity to rediscover your strength, redefine your self-worth, and root deeper into what matters most. Be kind to yourself. You are not alone. And you are doing beautifully.

​Becoming a parent is often described as one of life’s most joyful experiences. But what many new parents don’t expect is that joy can coexist with anxiety, sadness, irritability, or even despair. For many new parents, the flood of hormones, sleep deprivation, and life changes can bring on an abundance of feelings. These early emotions are often referred to as the "baby blues", and they affect up to 80% of new mothers. Thankfully, baby blues usually fade within two weeks.

But what happens when those feelings don’t go away or they get worse?

If you’re experiencing lingering or intense emotional distress after having a baby, you may be dealing with a Perinatal Mental Health Disorder (PMHD). PMHDs are the most common complications of childbirth, affecting up to 1 in 5 new moms and 1 in 10 new dads.

Let's explore what Perinatal Mental Health Disorders (PMHDs) are, how to spot the warning signs, who is at higher risk, and—most importantly—where to get support.

What are PMHDs?
​PMHDs (Perinatal Mental Health Disorders) include a range of mental health conditions that can occur during pregnancy and up to a year postpartum. They include:

• Postpartum Depression (PPD)
• Postpartum Anxiety
• Postpartum Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
• Postpartum Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
• Postpartum Bipolar Disorder
• Postpartum Psychosis (rare, but serious)

These are medical conditions, not personal failures. These conditions are more common than many realize and can affect all parents—birthing and non-birthing. But they are treatable, and support is available.

Who is at risk for PMHDs?​
PMHDs can affect anyone, regardless of background. However, certain factors can increase vulnerability:

• History of mental health issues (depression, anxiety, etc.)
• Lack of social support
• Traumatic birth experience
• Complications during pregnancy or delivery
• Stressful life events (e.g., financial strain, relationship conflict)
• Sleep deprivation
• Previous PMHDs with earlier children

Some sobering statistics:

• Up to 1 in 5 women experience a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder.
• About 1 in 10 partners (non-birthing parents) will also experience postpartum depression.
• Postpartum psychosis, a rare but severe disorder, occurs in 1 to 2 out of every 1,000 deliveries.

These numbers remind us that PMHDs are common and treatable.

Warning Signs to Watch For
It's normal to feel emotionally sensitive or tearful in the days following birth. This is often referred to as the “baby blues” and typically resolves within 1–2 weeks. But when symptoms persist or intensify, it could be a sign of a PMHD. Here are some signs that what you're feeling might be more than just baby blues:
Emotional Symptoms:

• Feeling persistently sad, hopeless, or empty
• Excessive worry or panic, especially about the baby
• Intense irritability or anger
• Feeling detached from your baby or like you're not bonding
• Guilt or shame about how you're feeling
• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

Physical and Behavioral Symptoms:

• Difficulty sleeping (even when the baby sleeps)
• Changes in appetite
• Fatigue that feels overwhelming
• Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
• Racing thoughts or inability to relax
• Withdrawing from loved ones

If these symptoms last more than two weeks after birth, interfere with your daily functioning, or feel like they’re getting worse, it’s time to seek help.

What to Do Next: Steps Toward Healing
​Please know that you are not weak and you are not alone if you are experiencing signs of a perinatal mental health disorder. Here's what you can do to seek help:
1. Talk to your healthcare provider- Let your OB/GYN, midwife, or primary care doctor know how you're feeling. They can screen you for PMHDs and connect you with mental health professionals.
2. Reach out to a therapist- Look for a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health. Many offer telehealth appointments, which can be especially helpful with a newborn.
3. Connect with support groups- Sometimes, talking to other parents who have been there can be incredibly healing. Peer support groups can reduce isolation and offer real-world advice.
4. Involve your partner or support system- Let those close to you know what you’re experiencing. They may be able to help with baby care, offer emotional support, or attend appointments with you. 
5. Emergency support- If you're having thoughts of self-harm or harming your baby, seek emergency help immediately by calling emergency services or going to the nearest ER.

Resources for Support
Here are some trusted organizations offering help:

• Postpartum Support International (PSI)
  Call or text the PSI HelpLine: 1-800-944-4773 (EN) or 1-971-203-7773 (Text)
• National Maternal Mental Health Hotline
  1-833-9-HELP4MOMS (1-833-943-5746)
  Free, 24/7 support in English and Spanish
• Therapy for Black Girls
  Mental health support for Black women and girls
• The Blue Dot Project
  Awareness and community around maternal mental health
• Your Insurance Provider’s Directory
  Many plans now cover perinatal mental health services. Check their mental health or behavioral health listings.

If you’re struggling right now, please know: this is not your fault. PMHDs can affect anyone, and with help, they do get better. You deserve support, healing, and peace during this chapter of parenthood. Take the first step. Help is waiting.

To learn more about PMHDs and the fourth trimester, sign up for my Postpartum Recovery Class.