1. Tell me about yourself.
I am a 1st generation American. My parents are Jamaican and English. I am the second oldest of 7 children from my father. I am a mother and a step-mother to three kiddos and I am a wife. I enjoy random adventures and quiet time. I am starting to garden and recently got a greenhouse. When my granddad lived in England he liked to garden and he had a greenhouse. Over the last few years, I have realized that I enjoy playing in the dirt and I feel like when I am gardening I am close to him and where I came from. 

2. How/why did you become a psychologist and mental health therapist?
I am licensed as a School Psychologist, Licensed Psychological Associate, and Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I was a shy child and after my parents divorced I withdrew. My school counselor noticed me when a lot of people didn't (because I was quiet and didn't cause problems at school). My older brother on the other hand acted out when all of the changes happened and there was no one who helped him. He was essentially a throwaway kid. When I was applying for grad school I decided I wanted to work in schools because I wanted to be the person who noticed the quiet kids and advocated for the throwaway kids. After 9 years of working in the schools, I realized that I could do more. I wanted to work with parents and families to help those children in a more comprehensive way. I earned my LCMHC and LPA and began working in private practice.
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3. What is the mission or primary focus of Waite Psychological & Therapeutic Services?
The primary focus of WPTS is to help people identify ways in which they want to change their lives and the lives of their children in a safe and non-judgmental environment. 

4. Do you have any specialties or areas of expertise?
I specialize in parenting, life transitions, and working with Black women to process life experiences so that they can live a "soft life". In the area of psychological evaluations, I specialize in ADHD, Autism, and Learning Disabilities.

5. What makes Waite PTS unique and how do you best serve your clients?
What makes us unique is that we believe that there is no right or wrong way to live but however you choose to live should be on your own terms. We incorporate mindfulness, meditation, dance, and self-care in client treatment.

6. What are the best & most challenging parts of being a business owner and mental health practitioner?
The best part of being a business owner is being able to say "Umm get somebody else to do it." The most challenging part of being a business owner is maintaining balance in life because I have had to learn that not every bag is worth my energy. 

7. Where do you see your business in 5 ­years?
In 5 years, we will have expanded to our own building and will be hosting therapeutic treats and wellness retreats for people of color. My goal is to create safe spaces that allow women of color to explore their soft life.

8. Tell me about your most recent business wi­n.
We opened our new office space. It is a soft and welcoming space that I hope will be a space that women will love.

9. Please share any upcoming events or programs you will participate in or any special offerings for new clients.
We are going to start offering Executive Functioning skills groups for middle schoolers transitioning to high school. Young adult transitions Executive Functioning skills groups. Self-care Saturday Events for women and #FTK events for mom so that they can have a space to focus on themselves and their needs.

This summer we are going to start a podcast that is going to be fun and informative. 

To learn more about Selena and Waite Psychological & Therapeutic Services, you can visit their Facebook page and follow them on Instagram.

In my April blog post, I shared some tips and suggestions to help mothers thrive during pregnancy, birth and postpartum, Today, I wanted to share some postpartum wisdom to help you and your family adjust after baby arrives.

​Just like your birth plan, a postpartum plan is essential to ensure you are prepared as much as possible for the postpartum period. Depending on your birth experience, you may need more support than you initially planned (i.e. premature birth, preeclampsia, c-section) and it's a good idea to have some things in place just in case.

1. Your Postpartum Plan: having a postpartum plan ensures that you have the necessary time to adjust to life with a newborn and also recover from birth. Putting boundaries in place for family and friends is a good idea when thinking about visitors and your overall state postpartum. As time passes, your plan may adjust and that is perfectly fine. Things to think about and include in your postpartum plan: physical recovery, bonding with your newborn, your relationship with you partner, co-sleeping, breastfeeding/pumping, introducing a bottle, appointments, finances, returning to work after leave, childcare, etc.
2. Postpartum Care & Recovery: did you have a cesarean birth? Was your baby born early? Did you have a long, difficult birth that did not go according to your plan? In order to thrive during the fourth trimester, it is essential to have help and support so that you can heal, breastfeed and bond with baby. During this time, your body will be changing yet again and you will need to mental and emotional adjust to your new life. Give yourself grace and ask for help when you need it. Hiring a postpartum doula can be very beneficial especially as a first time parent. Just like birth, they can help you navigate the ins and outs as well as prepare you for your parenting journey ahead.
3. Postpartum Support: While planning for the fourth trimester, I highly recommend hiring a doula because... of course! I pride myself on giving my clients continuity of care because I know I will be one of the most consistent presences and support they will have through pregnancy, birth and parenthood. And just like your birth team, you may want to have a postpartum team in place as well. Seeing a chiropractor, lactation consultant and pelvic floor therapist in the fourth trimester have proven benefits for mom and baby during postpartum recovery. Friends and family may or may not be as helpful as you thought and that's okay. I always say, you will learn who you can truly count on after you have a baby. Lean on these people.
4. Building Your Tribe & Setting Boundaries: As I mentioned above, your village/tribe will be formed after your little one arrives. Identify your helpers and don't take any relationship changes personal. Your people will show up for you-no one else matters. Having trusted friends and family to be a part of your village will allow you to get more comfortable during your adjustment. This may prove to be hard at first-again your relationships will undoubtably change. Parenting groups, both in person and online, can be a source of comfort, connection and knowledge to get you through some of the early (or even difficult) days. Please note: you should always consult a physician for serious issues. You will also need to set some boundaries so that the people in your life know what your priorities are and if they aren't going to help you during this vulnerable time in your life, then you may see them less. Again, that is okay.
5. Communication is Key: Constant communication with your partner and family will be another essential part of the postpartum period. Asking for help or sharing how you feel in detail may be hard to do at times. It is important to be open and honest so that your support team will know what to do and how to help you. At some point, you may need a nanny so you can ease back in to work or so you can have less on your plate. Being aware of your feelings, no matter how heavy or daunting, is one thing. To communicate those feelings and say, "let's put this in place" or " I think I need this" is brave and will ultimately give you piece of mind and make you a better parent. Checking in with your partner and having conversations that are NOT baby centered will help you two keep your relationship a priority. Continue to schedule date nights and make time for each other as individuals-remember, you were a couple before baby and you still are!
6. More to Monitor: Additionally, there are things that should be monitored during the postpartum period. Your blood pressure being one main thing. Elevated blood pressure can indicate a greater issue like preeclampsia. Postpartum preeclampsia is more likely to occur if you experienced preeclampsia so it is important to be aware of how you feel and tell your support team. Perinatal mood disorders are a leading cause of maternal death so it is important to monitor behavioral changes in BOTH parents even if there is no history of mental illness or previous PMD. Ask for help when you need it (the "strong black woman" complex is over and done). Whole self care (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) is essential to being a good parent.​
7. Long-term postpartum planning: If you gave birth prematurely, have experienced any type of trauma, loss (pregnancy or otherwise) or mental challenges before or during pregnancy, it may be a good idea to do some extended postpartum planning. As your baby grows and develops, there may be certain things or triggers that come up and ultimate affect you and your relationships negatively. It could be beneficial to plan ahead so you can be prepared as much as possible if this happens. One of my favorite postpartum resources is Postpartum Support International. 

Losing a loved one is difficult for anyone.

Losing a child is completely different. It is a very different grief from what I am I told. No words or clear cut amount of time can heal the heart or soul of a parent after such a loss.

It is often said that time heals all wounds. I don't think I've ever truly believed that. The part about death and loss that cuts the deepest is when it comes unexpectedly. I won't pretend to know the kind of pain that comes with loosing a child, but a recent experience cut deep.

Just a few weeks ago, I experienced my first loss as a doula. And let me tell you, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And while I am a trained bereavement doula, I was not prepared for how I would support my clients when I myself needed support as well.

I wasn't prepared for the text message my client sent me telling me about her loss. A loss that had occured nearly a week before.

I wasn't prepared for how the news would affect my work with my other clients.

I wasn't prepared for how hard that first call would be.

I wasn't prepared for the bouts of sobbing that would come in the days that followed.

There came a point when I realized that their grief was indeed my grief.

My heart was sore and my soul was heavy. They were new clients. Parents of two young children already, excited about third. We were preparing the family for some developmental challenges, but even so, they felt blessed to have another child on the way.

And then this.

Support would be different moving forward, but I'm thankful I had the tools and training to help them navigate the beginning of their healing journey. The same resources that I passed along to my clients brought me understanding and comfort. I had my faith to lean on (Proverbs 3: 5-6). Doula friends uplifted me and gave words of encouragement when I didn't when I didn't have the capacity to understand why this happened. I truly appreciated that. I've learned that wisdom comes with every experience, even in the misdt of tragedy. As complex as this particular grief is, we find value in vulnerabilty and extend a lifetime of grace to the families who endure this pain daily. There is no love like the love a parent has for their child and we honor the depth of that love today & every day.

To any parent that has loss a child, my heart is with you. Always.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenss Month. The 15th of this month is designated as PAIL Rememberance Day. If you or a loved one has experienced the loss of a child, please consider honoring them by submitting their name for Stillbirthday's annual Heart Release or in some other way if you wish.

June 5, 2020

This has been on my heart for months now. And with everything happening over the last couple of weeks, I need to get this off my chest.

I first new my endo was real....

Almost three years ago, I woke up in pain and stayed in bed all day. I could barely move. Months earlier I had been diagnosed with IBS, but I knew this was something else. I was experiencing another flare and none of the 8 medications I was taking relieved my pain. The sun was going down and I had been trying to get out of bed all day, at least for a little bit, to go grocery shopping. But I just couldnt. So I narrowed down the list and I only needed one thing: milk for my son. I eventually broke down and asked my husband to run to the store. He happily obliged, asked if I needed anything and he took our son with him to Target since none of us had been out that day.

I stayed home with my mom (who had moved in with is just a couple of months prior due to her failing health) and tried to breath through the pain. I managed to doze off for a few minutes and then I heard my phone ring. (Note: for our whole relationship I have consistently missed my husband's calls because when I'm at home, I put my phone on silent. But I had recently started turning my phone volume up whenever he left the house because he always calls for one reason or another).

When I answered the phone I heard my husband's voice and I immediately knew something was wrong. He told me he had been pulled over for no reason. He told me that the officer had a warrant for his arrest. He had me on speaker so I could hear. Him and the officer had an exchange when my husband asked why he had been pulled over and what the warrant was for. Then my husband and I got disconnected. (He apparently called 911 right after this so he could have a record of what was happening). I immediately jumped on my feet, grabbed some clothes, called my neighbor and asked her to take me to my husband and son.

By the time we got in the car, my husband had called back and told me he was about to be arrested. I could hear my son crying in the background. My adrenaline was pumping through me as I was now in a panic. That 9 minute car ride was the longest car ride of my life. I stayed on the phone. I put him on speaker phone so I could hear everything.

When we arrived my husband was in the back of a police SUV. A second officer had arrived at some point and was standing next to our family car just watching my son cry his eyes out. I ran over to the SUV and saw the pain in my husband's eyes. He said he was okay and told me to go get our son and told me not to cry. I walked over to our car and proceeded to calm our son down. My mother stayed with him while I spoke to one of the police officers about what was going to happen next. My heart was pounding but I spoke calmly and nodded my head before getting into my car and following the police officers to the jail.

My neighbor took my mother and son home and I proceeded down the dark highway with tears streaming down face. It seemed like a long drive. The next thing I remember is walking through the huge doors of the building and approaching the metal detector. I was then directed to go down the stairs and wait to speak to the magistrate. I had no idea who that was or what that meant. But as a young black woman who was waiting to bail her black husband our of jail, there was a sense that I did know and was even familiar with the entire process due to the color of my skin. I was not. I was scared. No, terrified. I was cold, hungry and tired. And now, I was alone. Waiting. Not knowing what was happening to my husband. Two hours pasted. I finally saw the magistrate. She spoke fast and again, she spoke to me as if I had been through this process before. I didn't even know where to begin to find a bail bondsman. I called a family friend (an older white woman) and without hesitation, she came to sit with me for a while. She waited at the jail just in case there were any updates about my husband while I went to the atm to get bail money. Money we had just put in our savings account. Money we needed. Money I was thankful to have at a time like this.

When I returned, I was told that my husband was being released soon. I waited another 40 minutes before I saw him slowly walk over to me. There was something in his eyes... He was defeated. He was angry. He was sad. I noticed that he was carrying his shoe strings. We hugged for a long time. I don't remember the ride home. It was after 2 am when we finally got home. He had bruises from the handcuffs. They served as reminders days after the whole ordeal. He made a video of his experience and his feelings about being wrongfully arrested before we went to bed. I barely slept. My body had just experienced a full on traumatic experience while I was in the middle of an endo flare. There are no words to express what my body and brain endured that day and the months following. This was the day I knew my endo was real.

The other day while I was brushing my teeth, I received a text from one of my birth clients. She is now a few weeks postpartum and had just gotten around to responding to the Mother's Day message I sent to her. She informed me that she, her husband and baby were all doing well and she thanked me again for all of my continued support over the past year. I had a moment. I started to tear up because a lot of what I do is tedious, detailed preparation (follow-ups & check-ins, emails & calls, consulting, invoices and paperwork) and very rarely do I stop and take the time to soak in the "thanks". As I began to reflect on her birth and all the families I have supported over the last year specifically, I hit hit me like a ton of bricks-I don't have a single photo of myself doing birth work. Sure, I have a few selfies in my scrubs, some photos from my trainings and even a couple of candids from my first postpartum client, but the only evidence that I have of myself immersed in my work is from the other side of the camera. I have never held any of my birth babies. No one has ever asked. And it's fine. This work isn't about me. But I do wish that I was included more, if that makes sense.

The truth is that much of my work is unseen. I do a lot of make sure my clients are informed about all of their options and I am available to them whenever they need me. All of my clients receive customized support depending on their individual family needs and that could mean a wide range of things. While I can't guarantee a specific birth outcome or experience, my clients can count on professionalism and continuity of care. Bottom line: I do a lot of so that my clients can focus on what's most important: their families. As a doula and professional family caregiver, my work is very personal. The level of trusted care, education and expertise that I give is unmatched. There is the physical side to the job that requires me to show up, listen, be present and hands on, work with the other members of the birth team, take photos, do hip squeezes & massages, get ice, take detailed birth notes and following up with postpartum visits & care all while being emotionally attentive to my clients and so much more. And then there is the part of the job that involves navigating the unknown, waiting and sometimes advocating for your clients... or uncertainties that result in changed plans, different birth outcomes, pain, trauma and even loss. I too have to process all that happens and still support my clients.

​I am always working. Even when it seems like I'm not. But I am also a PERSON and sometimes that gets overlooked. I am a wife and a mother. I have other commitments and responsibilities in the community as well. I also have a chronic disease that some of my clients are unaware of, but I still manage to do what I need to do when the time comes. That's just who I am. But does it have to be?

This year, I have been focusing more on the energy I give and how I use my own energy throughout the day. I have been intentionally practicing the art of attracting the energy I want, especially in business. I have been scheduling time off and taking breaks when needed to make sure my own cup is full. I have a couple of clients right now that I have connected with deeply. They see me. They get me. They acknowledge that I too have emotions and need time away from my work. And I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.

I have changed a lot since I first became a doula. As I developed professionally and experienced different things over the years, my brand has evolved and reflected who I am really am and what I am most passionate about. I think people (my people) are recognizing that and finding me. And while sometimes it gets lonely and even overwhelming on the other side of the camera, I still love it here.