The Honest Truth: This year was more than I anticipated. Lots of unexpected things, disappointments, adjustments and feelings about it all. BUT, as I reflect on who I am and what I have, I am very thankful for the good and the bad because I am truly blessed and God's hand is always upon me.

When I wrote this post a few months ago, I wasn't sure what was in store for me for the second half of 2023. This season has truly been one of going where God wants me to go and being content even when I don't understand everything. But I am happy to say that I have been led to some great opportunities and connected with some beautiful souls.

I'm Most Thankful To Be Doing God's Work

You may be aware that I offer companion and respite care services. At the beginning of the summer I became a Caregiver Respite Specialist for The Center of Volunteer Caregiving. I serve families all over Wake County and care for some of the most interesting and delightful elders. While this position does have it's challenges, I know that I am needed. Supporting the aging community has definitely given me a greater appreciation for life. In July, I began working at Anchor Perinatal Wellness as one of their on-site postpartum doulas. I care for the "Little Anchors" while their moms attend group therapy. I really love the fact that I've been able to get back into postpartum doula work with this position. I have meet some amazing new moms and helped them navigate motherhood while they improve their mental health. The staff at Anchor is also amazing and they truly care for their clients. Most recently, I have joined the Tree of Life Birth Collective. The collective is made up of Christian birth workers that serve various parts of North Carolina. I've been a doula for almost 9 years and I have longed to find a group of like-minded birth workers that I can share personal and professional successes with, fellowship and pray with, learn from and talk about our walks with Christ and the impact it has on our work. It's only been a few weeks, but I have already seen and felt the benefits of joining the collective. TOL has been such a blessing to me and I know it will only lead to more divine connections. I may not be where I thought I would be at this moment in time, but I am so thankful that God has me right where I need to be and he is developing me for even greater things that I can imagine. I can't wait to see what 2024 brings!

Today, I took some time to write down a few more things that I am thankful for and I wanted to share them with you.

• My husband, son and pup Leo
• My home
• My business and work
• My skills, talents and gifts
• My health (physical, mental and spiritual)
• My salvation (Jesus is IT for me!)
• My faith and prayer life
• My character and integrity
• My spiritual covering
• Laughter
• A heart to help others, especially families
• My future

What are you thankful for?

1. Tell me about yourself.
I am a 1st generation American. My parents are Jamaican and English. I am the second oldest of 7 children from my father. I am a mother and a step-mother to three kiddos and I am a wife. I enjoy random adventures and quiet time. I am starting to garden and recently got a greenhouse. When my granddad lived in England he liked to garden and he had a greenhouse. Over the last few years, I have realized that I enjoy playing in the dirt and I feel like when I am gardening I am close to him and where I came from. 

2. How/why did you become a psychologist and mental health therapist?
I am licensed as a School Psychologist, Licensed Psychological Associate, and Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I was a shy child and after my parents divorced I withdrew. My school counselor noticed me when a lot of people didn't (because I was quiet and didn't cause problems at school). My older brother on the other hand acted out when all of the changes happened and there was no one who helped him. He was essentially a throwaway kid. When I was applying for grad school I decided I wanted to work in schools because I wanted to be the person who noticed the quiet kids and advocated for the throwaway kids. After 9 years of working in the schools, I realized that I could do more. I wanted to work with parents and families to help those children in a more comprehensive way. I earned my LCMHC and LPA and began working in private practice.
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3. What is the mission or primary focus of Waite Psychological & Therapeutic Services?
The primary focus of WPTS is to help people identify ways in which they want to change their lives and the lives of their children in a safe and non-judgmental environment. 

4. Do you have any specialties or areas of expertise?
I specialize in parenting, life transitions, and working with Black women to process life experiences so that they can live a "soft life". In the area of psychological evaluations, I specialize in ADHD, Autism, and Learning Disabilities.

5. What makes Waite PTS unique and how do you best serve your clients?
What makes us unique is that we believe that there is no right or wrong way to live but however you choose to live should be on your own terms. We incorporate mindfulness, meditation, dance, and self-care in client treatment.

6. What are the best & most challenging parts of being a business owner and mental health practitioner?
The best part of being a business owner is being able to say "Umm get somebody else to do it." The most challenging part of being a business owner is maintaining balance in life because I have had to learn that not every bag is worth my energy. 

7. Where do you see your business in 5 ­years?
In 5 years, we will have expanded to our own building and will be hosting therapeutic treats and wellness retreats for people of color. My goal is to create safe spaces that allow women of color to explore their soft life.

8. Tell me about your most recent business wi­n.
We opened our new office space. It is a soft and welcoming space that I hope will be a space that women will love.

9. Please share any upcoming events or programs you will participate in or any special offerings for new clients.
We are going to start offering Executive Functioning skills groups for middle schoolers transitioning to high school. Young adult transitions Executive Functioning skills groups. Self-care Saturday Events for women and #FTK events for mom so that they can have a space to focus on themselves and their needs.

This summer we are going to start a podcast that is going to be fun and informative. 

To learn more about Selena and Waite Psychological & Therapeutic Services, you can visit their Facebook page and follow them on Instagram.

In my April blog post, I shared some tips and suggestions to help mothers thrive during pregnancy, birth and postpartum, Today, I wanted to share some postpartum wisdom to help you and your family adjust after baby arrives.

​Just like your birth plan, a postpartum plan is essential to ensure you are prepared as much as possible for the postpartum period. Depending on your birth experience, you may need more support than you initially planned (i.e. premature birth, preeclampsia, c-section) and it's a good idea to have some things in place just in case.

1. Your Postpartum Plan: having a postpartum plan ensures that you have the necessary time to adjust to life with a newborn and also recover from birth. Putting boundaries in place for family and friends is a good idea when thinking about visitors and your overall state postpartum. As time passes, your plan may adjust and that is perfectly fine. Things to think about and include in your postpartum plan: physical recovery, bonding with your newborn, your relationship with you partner, co-sleeping, breastfeeding/pumping, introducing a bottle, appointments, finances, returning to work after leave, childcare, etc.
2. Postpartum Care & Recovery: did you have a cesarean birth? Was your baby born early? Did you have a long, difficult birth that did not go according to your plan? In order to thrive during the fourth trimester, it is essential to have help and support so that you can heal, breastfeed and bond with baby. During this time, your body will be changing yet again and you will need to mental and emotional adjust to your new life. Give yourself grace and ask for help when you need it. Hiring a postpartum doula can be very beneficial especially as a first time parent. Just like birth, they can help you navigate the ins and outs as well as prepare you for your parenting journey ahead.
3. Postpartum Support: While planning for the fourth trimester, I highly recommend hiring a doula because... of course! I pride myself on giving my clients continuity of care because I know I will be one of the most consistent presences and support they will have through pregnancy, birth and parenthood. And just like your birth team, you may want to have a postpartum team in place as well. Seeing a chiropractor, lactation consultant and pelvic floor therapist in the fourth trimester have proven benefits for mom and baby during postpartum recovery. Friends and family may or may not be as helpful as you thought and that's okay. I always say, you will learn who you can truly count on after you have a baby. Lean on these people.
4. Building Your Tribe & Setting Boundaries: As I mentioned above, your village/tribe will be formed after your little one arrives. Identify your helpers and don't take any relationship changes personal. Your people will show up for you-no one else matters. Having trusted friends and family to be a part of your village will allow you to get more comfortable during your adjustment. This may prove to be hard at first-again your relationships will undoubtably change. Parenting groups, both in person and online, can be a source of comfort, connection and knowledge to get you through some of the early (or even difficult) days. Please note: you should always consult a physician for serious issues. You will also need to set some boundaries so that the people in your life know what your priorities are and if they aren't going to help you during this vulnerable time in your life, then you may see them less. Again, that is okay.
5. Communication is Key: Constant communication with your partner and family will be another essential part of the postpartum period. Asking for help or sharing how you feel in detail may be hard to do at times. It is important to be open and honest so that your support team will know what to do and how to help you. At some point, you may need a nanny so you can ease back in to work or so you can have less on your plate. Being aware of your feelings, no matter how heavy or daunting, is one thing. To communicate those feelings and say, "let's put this in place" or " I think I need this" is brave and will ultimately give you piece of mind and make you a better parent. Checking in with your partner and having conversations that are NOT baby centered will help you two keep your relationship a priority. Continue to schedule date nights and make time for each other as individuals-remember, you were a couple before baby and you still are!
6. More to Monitor: Additionally, there are things that should be monitored during the postpartum period. Your blood pressure being one main thing. Elevated blood pressure can indicate a greater issue like preeclampsia. Postpartum preeclampsia is more likely to occur if you experienced preeclampsia so it is important to be aware of how you feel and tell your support team. Perinatal mood disorders are a leading cause of maternal death so it is important to monitor behavioral changes in BOTH parents even if there is no history of mental illness or previous PMD. Ask for help when you need it (the "strong black woman" complex is over and done). Whole self care (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) is essential to being a good parent.​
7. Long-term postpartum planning: If you gave birth prematurely, have experienced any type of trauma, loss (pregnancy or otherwise) or mental challenges before or during pregnancy, it may be a good idea to do some extended postpartum planning. As your baby grows and develops, there may be certain things or triggers that come up and ultimate affect you and your relationships negatively. It could be beneficial to plan ahead so you can be prepared as much as possible if this happens. One of my favorite postpartum resources is Postpartum Support International. 

Losing a loved one is difficult for anyone.

Losing a child is completely different. It is a very different grief from what I am I told. No words or clear cut amount of time can heal the heart or soul of a parent after such a loss.

It is often said that time heals all wounds. I don't think I've ever truly believed that. The part about death and loss that cuts the deepest is when it comes unexpectedly. I won't pretend to know the kind of pain that comes with loosing a child, but a recent experience cut deep.

Just a few weeks ago, I experienced my first loss as a doula. And let me tell you, it hit me like a ton of bricks. And while I am a trained bereavement doula, I was not prepared for how I would support my clients when I myself needed support as well.

I wasn't prepared for the text message my client sent me telling me about her loss. A loss that had occured nearly a week before.

I wasn't prepared for how the news would affect my work with my other clients.

I wasn't prepared for how hard that first call would be.

I wasn't prepared for the bouts of sobbing that would come in the days that followed.

There came a point when I realized that their grief was indeed my grief.

My heart was sore and my soul was heavy. They were new clients. Parents of two young children already, excited about third. We were preparing the family for some developmental challenges, but even so, they felt blessed to have another child on the way.

And then this.

Support would be different moving forward, but I'm thankful I had the tools and training to help them navigate the beginning of their healing journey. The same resources that I passed along to my clients brought me understanding and comfort. I had my faith to lean on (Proverbs 3: 5-6). Doula friends uplifted me and gave words of encouragement when I didn't when I didn't have the capacity to understand why this happened. I truly appreciated that. I've learned that wisdom comes with every experience, even in the misdt of tragedy. As complex as this particular grief is, we find value in vulnerabilty and extend a lifetime of grace to the families who endure this pain daily. There is no love like the love a parent has for their child and we honor the depth of that love today & every day.

To any parent that has loss a child, my heart is with you. Always.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenss Month. The 15th of this month is designated as PAIL Rememberance Day. If you or a loved one has experienced the loss of a child, please consider honoring them by submitting their name for Stillbirthday's annual Heart Release or in some other way if you wish.