In honor of my 10th wedding anniversary today, I'm sharing a throwback guest blog interview from 2015.

This week, I am really excited to reintroduce my friend and author, Kalonda Coleman. Last year she wrote a fantastic book called Holy MatriMommy. If you haven’t read it-you need to! Whether you are single, engaged or married, this book is for all those who desire to be in a committed relationship. I loved it so much, I read it THREE times (really)! Reading Kalonda’s story and being able to reference biblical scripture while reading was invaluable to me. Her book came along at the right time for me personally. I can truly say that her book changed the way I thought about marriage and my relationship with my husband. Below is the interview I did with her and her husband. It also includes a special sneak peek of her second book, which she is currently writing. Enjoy!

Kalonda’s Interview

1. For those who have not read Holy MatriMommy, briefly tell everyone a little about it?
Holy MatriMommy is a two-part book on marriage and motherhood from a Christian perspective. Each part of the book begins with a peek into my personal testimony as a wife and mother, and then I share some practical, biblical insight in how to find the grace and joy in our daily trials and routines.

2. On page 35, your husband says "God said he wants the book." When exactly did God first lay it on your heart to write Holy MatriMommy?
When I left graduate school in 2010, I left with the intention of writing a book. I felt that would be a good alternative to the career in engineering that I had planned. As a fairly new Christian, I thought I was going to write about the transition that occurs when you give your life to Christ. I struggled for the next three years to complete a manuscript. But when God laid Holy MatriMommy on my heart, I wrote it in three months, even while being pregnant and caring for my one-year old.

3. In the book, you talk about submission. What would you tell the women out there who just don't believe in submitting?
What we choose to believe or disbelieve never changes the truth. It just changes our perception of it. Most women have a hard time with submission because they think it is synonymous with weakness. That’s just simply not true. Jesus submitted to God, not because He was less than God, but because the redemption plan worked better that way. Submission is about functionality. It’s about efficiency. If you’re a Christian woman, I would just ask that you read the Word, trust God, and try it for yourself.

4. How has writing and releasing Holy MatriMommy changed your marriage, life and you personally? What have you learned about yourself?
Through this process God has taught me that my validation comes from Him. I was so insecure when I released Holy MatriMommy because I felt that others would think that I had no right to write a book on marriage and motherhood being such a young wife and mother. But God has shown me that years and experience don’t qualify me; He does. Where I am weak, He is made strong.
It’s funny. I thought Holy MatriMommy would be my first and last book. I couldn’t imagine that I had anything else book-worthy to say after Holy MatriMommy released. But honestly, Holy MatriMommy seems to have opened the floodgates. I’m learning more about the publishing process, and God has already given me the vision for books 2 and 3.

5. What advice about life and love would you give your younger yourself?
Trust God. Matthew 6:33 says it all, “Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”

6. What do you hope your children learn from your book(s)?
God is real, and He is present. He cares about our day-to-day lives, and because of Him our ordinary lives have extraordinary purpose.

7. While this book appears to be for married mothers, I would suggest it to both men and women, married or single. Do you have any advice for singles? Married couples on the brink of divorce?
Singles: Trust God and don’t waste your singleness wishing it away. I love my husband and children dearly, and I believe that marriage and motherhood do make a big impact on the kingdom of God. But a single person is perfectly positioned to make an impact in a different way. A single person has much more time for ministry, mission trips, conferences, fellowship, etc. Dream big, obey quickly, and trust fully. Don’t waste your life.
Struggling couples: The key to a successful marriage is God’s grace. God’s grace enables you to continue loving even when the other person doesn’t seem to respond to your efforts. Grace comes when you realize your love is not dependent on the actions of your spouse, but on the faithfulness of your God.
Through God all things are possible. Don’t allow your thoughts and emotions to run your marriage. Take every thought captive and make it obedient to the words of Christ: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13:4-7)” The best thing you could do for your marriage is submit it to God and love one day at a time.

8. How did children change your marriage?
Now that’s a loaded question! It’s no secret that children cause drastic changes for their parents both individually and as a couple, but when I look back on how we’ve navigated the parenting waves, I can truly say we’ve changed for the better. My husband and I are best friends, which has made the majority of our relationship really easy, but there’s nothing easy about raising children. When children were added to our marriage, our quality time dramatically decreased. We no longer had time for petty arguments and silent treatments, we had to prioritize date nights, and even now we often have to sacrifice pride and personal conveniences in order to move on with our day. However, we’ve also grown closer as we’ve learned how to serve each other graciously in the chaos of parenthood and daily living.

9. Can you share your personal method balancing being a wife and mother? Can it really be done successfully?
Yes it can be done successfully, and the method that guarantees success in marriage and motherhood is the same method that guarantees success in any other area of life: Stay close to the vine. Jesus said, “Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me. (John 15:4)”
Success may not look the way we think it should, but if we remain rooted in Christ, we will witness His faithfulness in our lives and the lives of those around us.

10. Can you give my readers a sneak peek of the next book?
Maybe just a little lol. Here’s a sneak peek of my devotional:

Day 6: The Gift of Relationship

Focus Verse: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18 NKJV

The strength behind any great commitment is God’s grace. If we look at grace as God giving us what we don’t deserve, we’ll realize that every relationship we have is evidence of His grace. Why is it that some of us come from great, loving two-parent homes and some of us are raised in foster care? Why is it that some of us could be a case study in birth control fails, and others struggle to conceive month after month? Is there something about the newlywed 18-year-old that makes her more deserving of love than the single 40-year-old? The answer is no. We may have to earn trust and respect, but we don’t earn love. God has created a diversity of relationships, and He gives them to us all as gifts for His purposes. God, knowing our innate desire for intimacy, has given us relationships to support us, teach us, challenge us, and help us develop into the people He created us to be.


Practical Application: Choose a relationship from your past. Write God a letter thanking Him for placing this person in your life. Be sure to include how your relationship with this person has changed you for the better.

Marcus’ Interview

1. What daily sacrifices did you make while Kalonda wrote and edited Holy MatriMommy?
Kalonda was pregnant (third trimester) with our son Andrew while she wrote and edited Holy MatriMommy. My main priority at that time was just being the emotional and spiritual support she needed as well as keeping her encouraged throughout both writing and pregnancy processes. I spent some days either convincing Kalonda it's okay that her favorite jeans aren't fitting like they used to or the last paragraph she wrote was actually a good one! Also, I remember times when I'd have to cook or clean (and sometimes both) after work because she had spent most of the day writing.

2. How did you feel after reading the first draft of the book?
Relief! All I remember of that moment is a big sigh of relief after the manuscript was completed. I wanted to frame it because that piece of work represented so many frustrations, burdens, and difficult times that were now behind us. Kalonda wrote the manuscript without having a publishing contract with anyone, but I felt like she had just topped the New York Times Best Seller's list!

3. How has your life been different as a husband and father since the book was released?
I'm continually learning an invaluable lesson in the importance of supporting your spouse's dreams. Personally, it's rather easy for me to cut a check for a new computer or to review the contract for the publishing deal. However, it doesn't come easy to me to support Kalonda in other areas that are more critical to her well being. I often ask myself, "Am I dreaming with her?" or "Does she know that I'm hoping with her for God to deliver or provide?" That kind of support is more challenging to me as it requires a greater level of involvement in her spiritual and emotional matters. My life is slightly different now as I try to express my support in ways that mean the most to her, as opposed to ways that are more convenient for me.

4. Kalonda is currently writing her second book. How do you feel the second time around? Are there things about Kalonda's writing process that you now know?
The circumstances of our family are very different this time around! I think writing the book is easy. However, carving out the time to write is proving to be extremely difficult. I find myself stressed out at times asking God, "Where in the world do we find the time to do anything these days?" My wife's at home all day with two very active toddlers, one of which still isn't sleeping through the night. However, I think overall we're experiencing less anxiety since this will be our second round through the writing and publishing processes. We now have a better idea of what to expect this time.

5. What is the most important thing that you want your children to learn from your marriage?
Great question! I often think about this as I observe the world we live in today. The main point I want my children to understand concerning marriage is God's design is perfect. The plan works if you work the plan! Call me naïve or crazy, but I truly believe 100% of all marriages will succeed if they employ His plan.
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After two months of hearing the chart-topping, women empowering, yet controversial song and laughing at all the memes & parodies of WAP, I thought it was time to unpack it all and talk about the real goal we should all have... HAP.

But first... let's talk about WAP. By now you should know what the acronym stands for and if you are an adult with a healthy sex life then you likely already know the benefits of the aforementioned. These days, woman are being more expressive about who they are and what they want through music, dance, fashion, artistry and even their brand. This it what is means to be a modern woman. But the backlash from some men regarding the lyrics of this song proved to be sexist, rude and hypocritical. We've listened to male singers and rappers talk about sex explicitly in their music for decades so why is particular song so offensive to them? Especially since men are benefiting from the Good Good! But I digress. Cardi B and Megan the Stallion SLAYED the colorful, sexy, body-positive video, dripping with confidence and power. Make no mistake, sex sells. Always has, always will. But if you ask me, they are just two of a whole new generation of black feminists leading the movement in so many ways through their music and their platforms. For that, I STAN.

When we talk about sex, it is important that we talk about it from both a health AND pleasure standpoint. Youth is a time of learning and exploring and sex is definitely an area where young people do just that. But think back... what did you actually know about pleasure or sexual health when you first became sexually active? What did you really know about your body back then?

Yes, being young has it's advantages when it comes to sex. Endurance. Stamina. Not being committed. Youthful body and appearance. And don't forget about pheromones. But education and communication should be priorities when it comes to our bodies and sexual needs, no matter what age. Without these tools, sexual experiences can become negative sexual encounters and impact the way one may view themselves or even create an unknown or repetitive pattern of trauma.

I had my first period at the age of 11 and from day one I had terribly painful cramps and sickness nearly every month. That has been for the last 24 years. At 19 my OBGYN discovered my fibroids at my annual check up. I had a non existent sex life at the time. When I met my now husband, I realized how sensitive my body was to synthetic hormones and my birth control options were limited. For me, pleasure came later once I started dating my husband and learned more about my body. But I still struggled with some aspects of sex due to the trauma from my childhood. Once I got married and become a mother, my past trauma hit me like a ton of bricks and I found myself stuck. I ultimately had to make some changes. Once I started communicating more with my husband and properly taking care of my whole body (mind, body, spirit), I was able to overcome my inhibitions.

Having a healthy sex life is something many women struggle with for various reasons. It could be negative body image, low self esteem, age, physical and/or mental health issues, loss, instability, new parent, strained relationship and often past trauma or abuse. Obviously these things can have a big impact on someone's sex life. Digging deeper and asking why is how one can start to discover or recover what it means to have a healthy sex life. What is the cause of my low self esteem or negative body image? What steps can I take to heal from my traumatic past? Doing the emotional work is what will essentially lead you to the goal I mentioned earlier... HAP.

Heal is defined as "to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment"
Synonyms: make better, cure, treat successfully
restore, revive, repair, make good, mend, correct

Now you tell me... who wouldn't choose a healed, happy, healthy vagina over a wet one?

It is important to note that when I use the term HAP, I am actually referring to the womb and the entire reproductive system. It is said that woman can carry past hurt and trauma in their wombs. Every egg that a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries when she is a four month old fetus. This means that our cellular life as an egg actually began in the wombs of our grandmothers. This is why healing is so important, so we don't literally pass it to the next generation. The sacral chakra or womb space is known to be associated with self worth, creativity, passion, sexuality and pleasure and is said to be blocked by fear. Getting to the root of any past emotional or mental pain is essential for a healthy life in general, but especially so when we connect with other people sexually. Be very aware of the energy you exchange. Soul ties are very real.

Other ways to achieve a HAP include a healthy diet full of fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, seeds and lean protein. Dairy and red meat are strongly discouraged due to mucus build up and digestion difficulty. Regular vaginal steaming is also a highly recommended as it is a holistic remedy that aides womb wellness. Exercise and intentional movement also help by removing toxins from the body and promotes blood flow. Womb massage, sometimes in combination with Reiki, is a practice that stimulates blood flow, releases blockages and promotes overall womb wellness. Safe sex practices, regular doctor visits and STD/AIDS testing contribute to a HAP as well. Remember, you are in control of every aspect of your health, especially your sexual health.

If nothing else remember these two things:

1. When engaging with your partner(s), be direct and upfront about what you want. Consent is a must.
2. You can have a WAP or HAP all by yourself! Prioritizing your sexual health (single or committed) is a form of self care!
3. Bonus for all those waiting on baby: nipple stimulation can bring on contractions and sperm helps soften the cervix. So get to it! And be patient with yourself after baby arrives.

Thank you for coming to my WAP Ted Talk.

I have seen some of the funniest memes and "alternative" acronyms for WAP over these last few weeks-the internet never disappoints! Here a few of my favorites:

• Worship And Prayer
  
• Wait At Pharmacy
• Wrinkles Are Preventable
• Wrong Ass President
  
• Wack Ass Pandemic
  

The photo above is a screenshot of a video I recently shared on my IG page. Find out what happens to this expectant mother to be as she dances to WAP.

It's been a month now, but the feelings are still there. So many feelings...

The second presidential debate was a few weeks ago and like most Americans, I managed to stomach the 90 minute debate. Just 48 hours before, a 2005 video of Donald Trump making very inappropriate comments was released. As a woman, the comments were disgusting and his "apology" was even worse. But the breaking point for me was the post-debate video footage of Donald Trump in the crowd. The GIF of his daughter, Tiffany, backing away as he approached to give her a kiss hit me hard. Like a hundred tons of bricks. It was a unknown trigger.

How did we get to this point? In the beginning the idea was laughable. Just 18 months ago, there was a whole list of both qualified and unqualified candidates running for President. But you Mr. Trump?! Really?! I had more than a feeling that the worst side of politics would rear it's ugly head at some point.

See what you don't seem to understand Mr. Trump is that whether or not you said those words 11 years ago or 11 minutes ago, many womxn deal with words and comments like this every single day. And as we have heard from (real) men, that is NOT locker room talk. For many womxn like me, it brings up bad memories and feelings. It added to our daily struggle. It hurts us to the core that a major party candidate for the President of the United States would say or think anything of this nature. For many womxn it is about past and current physical, emotional and mental abuse. It makes us vulnerable all over again. We have thoughts of the abuse, incest and mistreatment of our bodies, minds and hearts.

Do you have any idea how much we have been through? Do you know how hard it is to be the people we want to be when we may have to face our abusers on a regular basis? Do you know how hard it is for some of us to look in the mirror at the inward and outward scars? Do you know how long it took to get over the self loathing and body shaming? Do you know how hard we try to be great wives/spouses & moms/parents despite everything we have been through? Some of us are still living through the pain. But we are strong. We are loved and we love. We work AND take care of our families. We are survivors. But you sir, you really have no idea.

I'm just going to be honest. I can no longer listen to the political ads or watch the news when they show your latest derogatory comments. The sound of your voice makes me cringe. The thought of you becoming the most powerful person in this world makes me want to run away. I cannot let myself think about an America led by you Mr. Trump. To do that would be giving up. Giving on myself and my family. Giving up on my dreams. Giving up on my future. Giving up on my hope for a better world.
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I knew from the very beginning that this was more than a feeling and I will not sit back and allow you to pretend that you are what America needs or wants for that matter. Nice try though.