One of the most difficult things to discuss after having a baby is intimacy. And, no, I don't just mean sex. There are so many changes within a birthing person while they are pregnant and after they give birth (I will spare you the details because you either already know or you are about to find out). Physically, they feel like a completely different person. A new parent gets a whole new surge of hormones after they give birth and that will directly affect how they feel emotionally. While the initial postpartum period is the first three months after birth, a birthing person will need an unlimited amount of time to recover. This simply means that they will recover physically and emotionally at their own pace. So where does that leave their significant other? Here is an example of what your partner may not be telling you:
A Birthing Parent's Perspective: We all know that being a parent is one of the hardest, most rewarding gifts in the world. But that does not mean that our significant others or partners should come second. We still need them. Actually, we need them more than ever. Even if we aren't ready to have sex yet, we still want to be close to them. We still want our partners to hug us, kiss us and slap us on the booty. We just want them to be patient with us. After all, we did give birth to a tiny human. Partners, rub our feet, do the dishes or get up with the baby at night... that is definitely a way to get back in the sack (;
A Partner's Perspective: Partners, life as we know it is over. Things will be different and at times difficult, but it will all be worth it for our families. We are now AT LEAST third in line for anything because our wives and children are top priority. Try not to feel rejected because your partner may not be ready to be intimate again. And it doesn't have to be all or nothing... remember that thing called foreplay. Some people just have appetizers as a meal (no pun intended). Lastly, be aware that a lot of their hesitation is mental (self perception), so you have to be their positive self image-their mirror if you will. Reflect how sexy you think they are and make them feel confident and loved.
But how do you "do it" after having a baby? When? Where?
The first thing you both should do is sit down and talk. Talk about how you are both feeling since having the baby (besides tired). Be open, honest and most importantly, be patient.
Secondly, make time for each other. This does not have to lead to sex. Schedule some time to have lunch, watch a movie or go for a walk in the park. Having that time to reconnect and enjoy each other as partners, not parents, is very important.
Third, relax and just go with the flow! Now that you have a child or children, getting alone time with one another will be difficult unless you plan it. Having an opportunity to have sex, will be even harder. Let go of your inhibitions, forget about how exhausted you are and just let things happen. So if the opportunity arises and you are both on board... GO FOR IT!
Don't know where to begin? Go on a date! Date night can be the cure all for several things when it comes to couples. Just make time, get a sitter and hit the town!
And remember to take care of the important matter of birth control before hand. Otherwise... well, you know!
Happy Valentine's Day!!!