Issa Giveaway!

Tomorrow is my birthday!
🎁 💐 🎂🎈 🎉 🍾
And I have teamed up with Arified Organics to giveaway some amazing all natural, handmade goodies for one of you!

Here's how to enter:
1. Like this post.
2. Follow me and Arified Organics on Facebook and Instagram.
3. Tag a friend in comments. Each tag is an entry.
4. Bonus entries: share this post in your Facebook or Instagram stories and tag us both.

The winner will receive one handmade soap, one jar of body or facial scrub and one bath bomb from Arified Organics. The giveaway will end on Sunday, June 30 at 11:59 p.m. Winner will be announced on Monday, July 1st. Good luck!

Warning! Long, emotional, transparent post...

I took this photo earlier this afternoon as I was dropping off my mini with his dad. We do this dance every day (actually several times a day) where he kisses me and then my husband affectionately yells, "Stop kissing my wife!" and then my son playfully yells, "Stop kissing my mom!"... It can get really overwhelming at bed time!
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Anyway, less than ten minutes after I left them to go see a client, I was in tears. This week has been hard for me. As Mother's Day approaches I am feeling several emotions. Very few people know that I am estranged from my mother. Just a year ago she had been living with me and my family due to her deteriorating health. I still don't fully understand that year of my life and everything that transpired, but I can say it wasn't all bad. My mom and my son bonded a lot and my mother got an up close look at my life as a wife, mother, and business owner.

However, this time last year I was near my breaking point. Seeing my mother as ill as she was was more than difficult. I often had flashbacks of my grandmother in her last days. But the emotional discourse that took place during the finally weeks she was with us still haunts me.
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I've never been extremely close with my mom, but she did give me a wonderful foundation of faith that I can never, ever deny. So today I let myself cry about the fact that my mother is still alive and I don't have a relationship with her. The friendship I thought we would have at this point in my life is simply non-existent. I also acknowledged that I need more time to heal. And I will do that.

My son has always been emotionally in tune with me and maybe he has known all this time that I needed all those extra kisses and hugs. My own motherhood journey hasn't been without questioning myself as a parent and some days are filled with more guilt than love. But I am forever grateful that God entrusted me with my son. He is my joy. And while sometimes I get overwhelmed with all of life's distractions, I am a mom and a damn good one!

So to all the moms who are feeling anything like me, find some joy this weekend. Let your kids spoil you with imperfect pancakes, homemade cards and flowers from the backyard. Go to Target alone. Get a pedi and have some champagne! You deserve to be celebrated every single day no matter how you feel because you are raising the next generation (with or without your own mother) and that is one hefty job! 

This week's guest blogger is an amazing woman and community asset, Elizabeth Johnson. Elizabeth is the owner of Spark Equity, a community resource for survivors of sexual trauma and/or abuse. April is both Sexual Assault Awareness Month and Child Abuse Prevention Month and I wanted to shed some light on such dark topics.

Before I get into the interview, I would like to share for the first time in my own space and domain that I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor. There are very few people who know this. But the time has come for me to share my story and finally heal out loud and hopefully help some others heal too. I have been in a low, dark place where I didn't want to interact with the world. I have felt lonely, tainted, unworthy, fearful and more. But I am so thankful to have found Elizabeth a few years ago professionally and personally. Over the last couple of years I have purposely opened myself to feel feelings that I buried deep inside of me and I am on the path to being healed and whole so that I can fully give all of myself to my family, my clients and the world.

1. Tell me about yourself and how you began your career.

My oldest child is six years old. And like many new mothers, breastfeeding was difficult. For me, it was due to being a rape survivor. I searched for resources and came up empty. One day I found Penny Simkin's book When Survivors Give Birth and I found a medical care provider who oriented lots of medical information. Eventually I reached out to Penny about training under her so I could share her knowledge with doulas and other birth educators. I completed my Postpartum Doula training through DONA International and became a Certified Childbirth Educator through Lamaze International. I wanted to do work that reached people like me. I wanted the world to know how sexual abuse and assault affects the reproductive process and sexual experiences.
I began my community work as a peer counselor for Durham Crisis Response and worked with them for just under a year before starting my own peer support group. We meet every week on Tuesdays from 6:30-7:30 p.m. at Dress for Success Triangle NC in Durham.


2. Describe the survivor culture & community in the Triangle area?

I see very different survivor communities here. One thing that is pervasive across the US and here in the Triangle is that some survivors feel safer identifying publicly as a survivor. I am part of that group. I'm white, well-educated, relatively thin and very seldom have my words challenges. Being a survivor is an asset I bring to the professional trainings I host. But women of color I know who have less privilege or who have significant health issues or are very religious often do not feel as comfortable identifying as a survivor. Sometimes even there own church won't talk or accept sexual abuse as an issue that faces many families in their community. And if they don't feel safe in their church identifying as a survivor, a place where they connect with God and those who love God, then the rest of the world with its prejudices and public hate definitely does feel as safe. So privilege as a survivor to own that history is a very real thing.

3. What are some common themes and behaviors that come up for survivors?

More often than not, many survivors have a difficult time setting boundaries, trusting people, being vulnerable, having healthy relationships, telling others what they need and how to treat them, overcoming past hurts and family issues, whether or not to confront their abuser (if that is an option), recognizing what helps and what hurts and being comfortable with their pregnant body and the physical and emotional changes women go through during pregnancy, birth and postpartum.


4. Where do you see your business in 5 ­years?

I see myself doing work that connects me to survivors more directly. I am  in the midst of a workbook for survivors (and others!) about Relationship Red Flags and what you should know before you start dating again. I will also launch a peer support guide planner later this year for folks who want to offer their own peer support groups but are unsure how to get started. In the next few years I am hoping to launch a podcast so I can speak more directly to and with survivors. Lots of efforts to connect more with survivors and arm them with better information about their own health, wellness and recovery than what's currently out there!


5. What advice do you have for any survivor looking to start their healing? Advice for birth workers who want to help them?

Birth workers who want to better support their clients should definitely attend my When Survivors Give Birth one day training. There is no where else to receive the concise, evidence based, current, trauma-informed, survivor sensitive content. It's offered once a year, usually in December, here in Durham and many folks get CE credit to attend.

Survivors who are looking to heal should get support first. Talking about abuse is hard. But it shouldn't feel harder because the professional you're talking to doesn't get it. And many mental health providers don't get it. For example, white providers who don't understand how race can impact both their relationship with the survivor and how race can impact how survivors can heal, especially within their own families do more harm than good. If the survivor is a person of color and they feel they must see a therapist, then they should get with a therapist who is a person of color.

But they don't have to in order to heal! Sexual abuse is not a mental health disorder.

But mental health professionals sometimes see it that way and as a way to help offer medication as a step toward healing. Pharmaceuticals are not the key to healing from sexual abuse; talking about it with a loving supportive community is. Even one person who gets it, "counts". And I think its even better if that person is not a mental health professional but someone who gets it. That's why a peer support group is so powerful. I offer a free, open to female-identified survivors and happens every Tuesday 6:30-8:30 pm. More details are on my website.


6. Who are some people or professionals that inspire you?

Gosh so many! Ms. Tarana Burke, the founder of #MeToo, is a huge inspiration. I look up to author and survivor Roxane Gay and feminists like Gloria Steinem, Soraya Chemaly, Anita Hill and Kimberle Crenshaw. Professionally, I also look to Malcolm Gladwell and Brene Brown both of whom use story to teach in ways that I try to adopt.


7. Tell me about your most recent personal and/or professional wi­n.

In early March I spoke at Duke University's OB/GYN Grand Rounds teaching experience. It's a 45 minute talk followed by a 15 minute Q&A. I talked about the importance of trauma informed, survivor sensitive care and simple tweaks providers can make, including choosing to see their patient as an expert on themselves, to 100 residents, physicians, fellows and students. I have been urged by other survivors for years to talk to the doctors and finally it happened! It went well and I was thrilled to be there. See the attached photo!

​1. How has life/work balance changed since adding three BIRTHFIT coaches to your practice?

I actually still work approximately the same hours, but we're able to serve more women, so energetically the shift has been much bigger than time-wise.  When you're trying to save and change the world, it helps to have friends with you so you don't feel the weight of that on your own!  My general schedule looks like this: I do BIRTHFIT classes on Mondays and Fridays (with occasional weekend classes), and then spend my afternoons on most days working on BIRTHFIT HQ things.  I see patients Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday mornings and Thursday afternoons.  Once a week, I have a staff meeting with my practice and once a month we have a BIRTHFIT NC crew meeting. 

2. How has overall business been since moving to your current location?

In a word: incredible. The new space is actually not quite as conveniently located as my previous office space, but the functionality of it has allowed for so much more expansion: more BIRTHFIT NC classes, massage therapy, and infrared sauna have all been added since moving in to the new location; I've also been able to hire three more women (including Dr. Mackenzie Smith, who is an associate in the office now, which has made a huge shift in the past 13 months that she's been around).  

3. How is your family doing? Any recent changes to your family life?

They're good!  The boys are really hilarious and for the most part enjoy each other's company, which makes things fun for my husband and me.  Their similarities and differences are so interesting: in some ways they look and sound and act so similar; in others, they're polar opposites.  Parenting them is a beautiful challenge.  I struggle with being able to get things done while simultaneously giving them the love and presence that they want/need/deserve from me.  I think that's something that all moms deal with: it can seem like we're expected to work like we don't have kids and parent like we don't have careers or personal aspirations.  I'm grateful to work with a company of supportive women and to run my own family-friendly practice and business so that women are able to choose both family and career with support.  

4. Any advice for entrepreneurs or mompreneurs?

Concisely: trust the process, be clear about your boundaries, use specific goals and objectives, and find people to support you in where you need help (I'm talking family/friends, but also people to help fill in your gaps - for me that means an accountant, website help, lawyer, office staff, etc.).  

5. How have you changed since becoming a business owner?

I’m hardly the same person who started my practice in 2012.  The changes can probably be summed up in that I’ve become more courageous, but it’s not like I just attained more courage - I got into a lot of situations that required me to step into my courage and that brought more of the same to light.  That really sounds like a cyclical answer, but a lot of the things I choose to do within my business now, I was not quite ready to do when I started; and I think if I had been ready to do those things, my business would be completely different.  I guess it goes back to trusting the process.  Who I was when I started my business was who I needed to be when I started.  Who I am now is equivalent to who I need to be now.  I trust that in five or ten years, I’ll be who needs to be in that role.  In a more tangible sense, I am a freer person because I have more concrete boundaries (a lot of which I’ve had to put in place because of being a mother). 

6. What is your top priority as a professional? 

This is a great question.  My top priority is ensuring that I show up; not just physically, but that I’m mentally present.  Whether I’m in a large or small group setting or one-on-one with a patient, my priority is being FULLY there and ensuring that I am giving my best to whomever it is that I’m there to serve.  I’m on a mission to change the way the world views birth, but that happens by connecting directly with people.  

7. Where do you see yourself and your business in 5 years?
 
I see myself supporting my family and the women in my community.  This is obviously similar to what I’m doing now, but I see it within a larger setting; BIRTHFIT NC is expanding rapidly and I’ve got my eye on the neighboring business to possibly expand into that area if they’re interested in using less space .  I also see myself working more collaboratively with other providers.  Currently within my practice, there are two chiropractors (both BIRTHFIT Professionals), a massage therapist, an herbalist, a doula, and several BIRTHFIT Coaches.  We refer out and stay in contact with other providers while collaborating on patient care, but  I’d love to have a pelvic health PT, acupuncture, and possibly counseling within the same location to increase the ease of accessibility of these services to our patients.