But first... let's talk about WAP. By now you should know what the acronym stands for and if you are an adult with a healthy sex life then you likely already know the benefits of the aforementioned. These days, woman are being more expressive about who they are and what they want through music, dance, fashion, artistry and even their brand. This it what is means to be a modern woman. But the backlash from some men regarding the lyrics of this song proved to be sexist, rude and hypocritical. We've listened to male singers and rappers talk about sex explicitly in their music for decades so why is particular song so offensive to them? Especially since men are benefiting from the Good Good! But I digress. Cardi B and Megan the Stallion SLAYED the colorful, sexy, body-positive video, dripping with confidence and power. Make no mistake, sex sells. Always has, always will. But if you ask me, they are just two of a whole new generation of black feminists leading the movement in so many ways through their music and their platforms. For that, I STAN.
When we talk about sex, it is important that we talk about it from both a health AND pleasure standpoint. Youth is a time of learning and exploring and sex is definitely an area where young people do just that. But think back... what did you actually know about pleasure or sexual health when you first became sexually active? What did you really know about your body back then?
Yes, being young has it's advantages when it comes to sex. Endurance. Stamina. Not being committed. Youthful body and appearance. And don't forget about pheromones. But education and communication should be priorities when it comes to our bodies and sexual needs, no matter what age. Without these tools, sexual experiences can become negative sexual encounters and impact the way one may view themselves or even create an unknown or repetitive pattern of trauma.
I had my first period at the age of 11 and from day one I had terribly painful cramps and sickness nearly every month. That has been for the last 24 years. At 19 my OBGYN discovered my fibroids at my annual check up. I had a non existent sex life at the time. When I met my now husband, I realized how sensitive my body was to synthetic hormones and my birth control options were limited. For me, pleasure came later once I started dating my husband and learned more about my body. But I still struggled with some aspects of sex due to the trauma from my childhood. Once I got married and become a mother, my past trauma hit me like a ton of bricks and I found myself stuck. I ultimately had to make some changes. Once I started communicating more with my husband and properly taking care of my whole body (mind, body, spirit), I was able to overcome my inhibitions.
Having a healthy sex life is something many women struggle with for various reasons. It could be negative body image, low self esteem, age, physical and/or mental health issues, loss, instability, new parent, strained relationship and often past trauma or abuse. Obviously these things can have a big impact on someone's sex life. Digging deeper and asking why is how one can start to discover or recover what it means to have a healthy sex life. What is the cause of my low self esteem or negative body image? What steps can I take to heal from my traumatic past? Doing the emotional work is what will essentially lead you to the goal I mentioned earlier... HAP.
Heal is defined as "to make healthy, whole, or sound; restore to health; free from ailment"
Synonyms: make better, cure, treat successfully
restore, revive, repair, make good, mend, correct
Now you tell me... who wouldn't choose a healed, happy, healthy vagina over a wet one?
It is important to note that when I use the term HAP, I am actually referring to the womb and the entire reproductive system. It is said that woman can carry past hurt and trauma in their wombs. Every egg that a woman will ever carry form in her ovaries when she is a four month old fetus. This means that our cellular life as an egg actually began in the wombs of our grandmothers. This is why healing is so important, so we don't literally pass it to the next generation. The sacral chakra or womb space is known to be associated with self worth, creativity, passion, sexuality and pleasure and is said to be blocked by fear. Getting to the root of any past emotional or mental pain is essential for a healthy life in general, but especially so when we connect with other people sexually. Be very aware of the energy you exchange. Soul ties are very real.
Other ways to achieve a HAP include a healthy diet full of fruits, veggies, grains, nuts, seeds and lean protein. Dairy and red meat are strongly discouraged due to mucus build up and digestion difficulty. Regular vaginal steaming is also a highly recommended as it is a holistic remedy that aides womb wellness. Exercise and intentional movement also help by removing toxins from the body and promotes blood flow. Womb massage, sometimes in combination with Reiki, is a practice that stimulates blood flow, releases blockages and promotes overall womb wellness. Safe sex practices, regular doctor visits and STD/AIDS testing contribute to a HAP as well. Remember, you are in control of every aspect of your health, especially your sexual health.
If nothing else remember these two things:
- When engaging with your partner(s), be direct and upfront about what you want. Consent is a must.
- You can have a WAP or HAP all by yourself! Prioritizing your sexual health (single or committed) is a form of self care!
- Bonus for all those waiting on baby: nipple stimulation can bring on contractions and sperm helps soften the cervix. So get to it! And be patient with yourself after baby arrives.
Thank you for coming to my WAP Ted Talk.
- Worship And Prayer
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- Wrong Ass President
- Wack Ass Pandemic
The photo above is a screenshot of a video I recently shared on my IG page. Find out what happens to this expectant mother to be as she dances to WAP.